Crossing the Abyss

There is a very narrow pedestrian bridge in a very large city. It crosses the six-lane freeway that bisects Downtown, connecting the residential towers to the office complexes. It's high enough up to cause vertigo, yet low enough to identify every car and truck speeding beneath. A fall would be terrifying. Even if by some miracle you survived, 70MPH traffic would ensure your fatality.
Although its construction was first-rate and it was solidly built, the design left much to be desired: Three feet wide and gently convex along the top, with no railings whatsoever. Not even a raised lip at the edge.
Still, it must be crossed. Most people opt for the hands-and-knees or belly-down method, eyes firmly locked on the path beneath them, moving slowly and with great trepidation. A sensible approach, given the nature of the edges. Thank God it's all one way.
Then someone had an idea: Railings! Unfortunately, they lacked the experience and resources necessary to the task. So, while it appeared that people could now walk upright, any sudden gust or misstep that caused them to lean on the supposed security of the rails, was met with little to no resistance. The railings failed with only the slightest pressure. Back to the crawling and trepidation.
Some people, unsatisfied with the status-quo, actually started providing their own railings. Others soon discovered those railings were secure and trustworthy, and followed those people across the bridge. Many of those followers discovered they could even jog, without touching the rails! Others, so emboldened by the firm safety those rails provided, found they could sit on the top of the railings, hook their feet, and lean far out over the edge. These people enjoyed a freedom of movement unimaginable without those railings in place.
That bridge is Life. Too far in one direction or the other can spell disaster.
The Dominant people in your life provide your railings, while you in turn provide the railings for those who follow you. Every human relationship you can name can readily be defined in terms of Dominance and submission: Parent / child. Teacher / student. Employer / employee. Pastor / congregation. Elected official / constituency. The list is endless. Social hierarchies within any group are based on it. Even when two strangers pass each other on a sidewalk, one will look away first.
To be clear, being "domineering" is a poor substitute for genuine Dominance. Being domineering is what the failed railings are often built from. Dominance is derived from confidence, self-assurance and proven experience. Dominance is quiet, composed and clear. Dominance will only raise its voice as necessary, and can back up every word it speaks. Dominance is sexy, and even makes plain men irresistible.
Being domineering comes from the other end of the spectrum: It is derived from insecurity and fear. Fear that others will discover how weak they truly are. It is expressed with bluster and threat, like the neck-frills of a skinny lizard. Brandished in the hopes that they will appear bigger than they actually are. People unfamiliar with genuine Dominance can be fooled by the domineering type, but rarely for very long.
We must also recognize that "submissive" does not necessarily mean slow, stupid, sub-par or simple. Nor should it carry any other negative connotations. Intelligence and potential have little to do with a person having "no desire to lead," and one can hardly blame them; the person at the head of the column takes the most arrows, is first to hit the wall or fall off the cliff. One is really no better -or more valid- than the other. No more than being right-handed is better or worse than being left-handed. We simply are what we are.
The key to providing effective railings, and the Leadership they impart, is really quite simple; say what you mean and mean what you say. Your railings are going to be tested. Either by those you provide them for, or by the environment you create them in. Such tests are inevitable and necessary for the growth and well being of all parties involved.
Your task as a Leader – the immeasurable service you provide to those who follow you – is to ALWAYS pass those tests. When you draw a line in the sand and erect those rails, hold that line. If you tell your child "homework or chores before video games," be specific and clear. And MEAN IT. It is completely acceptable to require people to keep their word, and allow them to suffer the consequences for their own actions (or inactions).
Some children, like some breeds of dog, will only accept your leadership once you've proven you're the leader. Or, if you prove to them that they really don't have to do as you say, they never will follow you. They will therefore react to life from a fear-based motivational center, never sure where the edges are. This can cause some very aberrant behavior.
Evidence of this can be found, sadly, in our penal system. One rarely sited statistic is the abundance of fatherless sons we incarcerate, every day. Unfortunately, a single mother's railings can often only reach so high. Add to that, a current governmental mind-set that says any discipline beyond a "time-out" is potential child-abuse, and you can see the recipe for disaster.
Young men, unrestrained by the authority provided by a nurturing adult Male in the home, walk right over their mother's railings, searching for the security of knowing where the edge actually is. For too many, that search leads to the highest railings we provide as a society: Prison.
Run a tight ship, because storms are a fact of life. If your "crew" gets into the habit of only half doing what you tell them to, even a minor squall can sink you. By the same token, if they're accustomed to to following your trustworthy, well spoken, clear commands... You can safely guide them through gale-force winds.
Actually, it makes calm days a lot better, too.